A few weeks ago, the anonymous hired guns who run FedEx’s disingenuous anti-UPS website released the results of a “poll” which purportedly shows that a majority of Americans support the notion of treating FedEx differently under the law from every other similar company in the country.

The headline for the press release announcing these results boldly claimed that “Eight in 10 Americans Oppose More Government Bailouts and Seven in 10 Say Brown Bailout Is Unfair.” Among the self-described “highlights” of this so-called poll:

• “75 percent say the reliability of overnight package delivery – knowing that a package will be delivered, when promised – is extremely or very important.”

• “61 percent say overnight package delivery is extremely or very important to the U.S. economy.”

• “81 percent of those polled believe FedEx and UPS have been operating successfully for decades, and since consumers have choices, competitive prices and service options, there is no need to change the laws.”

• “58 percent of those polled say they would be extremely or very concerned if Congress considered legislation that could make the overnight delivery system less reliable in the United States.”

• “70 percent say it is unfair for Congress to impose trucking regulations on FedEx’s shipping business because four out of five packages delivered by FedEx travel by air. UPS began as a trucking company and delivers four out of five packages by truck.”

• “67 percent of those polled oppose this proposed action by Congress to impose trucking regulations on FedEx Express.”

This “poll” was apparently paid for by FedEx (or one of its unnamed surrogates) and conducted by Public Opinion Strategies (POS) – which ought to be ashamed of itself for allowing its name to be associated with this kind of flapdoodle. Let’s go point-by-point.

1.) Gee, huge surprise that 75 percent of people think that reliable package delivery is “extremely or very important.” Duh. Problem is the legislation FedEx is so opposed to has nothing to do with the company’s ability to deliver its packages on time.

2.) Ditto. Duh.

3.) Fact is both FedEx and UPS have, indeed, been operating successfully. However, an inequity in federal law gives FedEx a competitive advantage. Our laws shouldn’t pick and choose winners and losers in the marketplace. It should treat all parties equally. That’s the American way and that’s why a change in this particular law is called for.

4.) Well, yes, if this change in the law would “make the overnight delivery system less reliable in the United States,” that would be cause for concern. But it won’t – so this is just another FedEx Express red herring.

5.) Problem is, FedEx Express is no longer just an airline and UPS is no longer just a trucking company. Both have “morphed” their operations over the last decade or so and both now use trucks and planes to deliver express packages. Therefore, both companies should be treated the same under our laws.

6.) Congress isn’t trying to impose “trucking regulations” on FedEx. It’s trying to impose the same labor law to one express delivery company which applies to every other express delivery company.

This so-called “poll” was anything but professional and objective. It was, at best, a “push” poll designed to elicit a desired result – the kind of underhanded polling widely condemned by polling professionals.

I mean, these results aren’t much different from poll results showing that 75 percent of people think fresh air is good for you or that 81 percent think it’d be bad for Congress to impose Canadian Football rules on the NFL.

I’m surprised there wasn’t a question in here assessing the public’s view of puppies and how they might impact the express delivery system. Sheesh.

Seriously, pollsters Glen Bolger and Bill McInturff, co-founders of POS, should be ashamed of themselves for taking money and being used like this by FedEx. I know the economy is hurting right now, guys, but isn’t your reputation something worth protecting? Or should POS rename itself “Anything for a Buck”?

By the way, if 75 percent of people say it is “extremely or very important” that their packages and letters be reliably delivered on time, why do we still have the post office?